You Are Allowed to Forget

Often I am asked by my audiences why they are not achieving their goals. In the years of discussing this topic, a prevailing theme arises. They cannot forget their past mistakes, their past circumstance, or their past dysfunctional relationships. One of the rules I teach is the past and even current circumstances have no bearing on your future.

I once heard a wise statement from a highly successful NFL coach about that the best ability he finds in a wide receiver. He looked straight into the reporters eyes and said his ability to forget the last play, especially when he dropped the pass.

Forgetting is essential to success. It does not matter how poor you are now. It does not matter that you did not get a higher education. It does not matter that you have a zero-supportive family.

Here are the facts today. You want a better life. You are willing to work towards a better life. You will not be deterred. That is all you need to win.

There are 2.5 million millionaires in the US of which the majority are first generation rich. That means no trust funds, no golden brick road laid before them. The majority earned their wealth. The self-made millionaire believes in her/his own abilities. They also believe that their background is no indicator of their future.

Achieving is about mind control. Imagine a NBA player at the free throw line. The crowd is booing him. Opposing fans behind the basket wave their arms, have loud noisemakers, and jeer "you suck." The professional athlete is not deterred from his objective. A minute later, two baskets drop, and he's proven himself a champion again.

Your past can be the annoy background ready to distract you if you give it any attention. Ever have that family member or friend sit across the dining table telling you "you're stupid if you think you will be better than anyone else." Ignore, forget, and move on.

Instead of sitting on the negative circumstances, focus on the lesson which you had to learn. Perhaps the lesson from the unsupportive friend is not to share your future aspirations with that person. The blessing of the knowledge the mistake brought to your attention. Log that lesson so you won't do it again, then move on. This applies to test taking, romantic relationships, friendships, sports, investments, and even conversations/email/txt.

Those who cannot move on are willfully handcuffing themselves to the past. Paraphrasing Einstein's wisest words: you cannot use the same thinking that created the problem/situation to get out of it. Our challenge is to find new ways to approach familiar situations like a debt, bad relationship decisions, dietary choices, or a negative parent/friend/boss.

Forget and forgive those with whom you had negative interactions. Forgive yourself for any mistakes as well. Today is a new chance for small steps of change. A simple decision such as I will keep my calm can start a chain reaction of bigger positive change. Your selective attention to the past as well as present is a skill to master.

Think of a hot stove. You burnt your finger once. You didn't stop using the stove. Lesson logged, moving on.

You are a different person from yesterday. If your mind only holds one thought pattern at a time, hold the ones which bring joy and positive feelings about reaching your life goals. Give yourself a license to forget the negative.

Logic in Crying

A childhood friend of mine passed from kidney cancer in January. It was devastatingly quick like a Kansas tornado. Though we had not been in touch for years, I cried deeply since my heart remembered how kind and generous his friendship was when I was a 14-yr old kid.


I logically know many things. A bodies are temporary houses for our souls. There is a restful heaven for our souls. Our souls pass thru many lives. Our souls are eternal. We come into this life to learn lessons of love. With all the knowledge, I still cry when someone passes. My memory affirms my friend Kien Tran graced the world. Even with all his own troubles, he gave the world generosity and kindness.


Tears sing that we loved the departed soul for its time being in physical form with us. When a soul leaves our world, those still on earth sit with the question did they love the departed person enough, and are we loving those alive enough today.


Our tears are a gift to snap us out of the mindless daily grind. When we cry we really cannot do much else. Our eyes are blur with water, lungs exhale only sadness, words are lost, hands unsteady with grief. Crying is the fool-proof mechanism for us to pause and remember why we are here: to love.

The catharsis from a movie, seeing the mourning people of Haiti, a love ballad: all these are signs for us to pause and hold love in our hearts of others, and for the blessings we have. Welcome a crying break from life when it comes. It's God's way of saying remember to love more. I love you, pass it on.

Those Who Travel the Furthest

There was a headline news story of a family on vacation in the Grand Canyon whose beloved dog wonders off and could not be found. With coyotes, snakes, and deep crevasses in the wild canyon, hope faded for the family pet after many days of search. The heart-sunk family reluctantly goes home, 1000s of miles away. Months later, the dog shows up on the front lawn. It is a miracle! The dog found its way home!


Everyday in America, dogs are lost. Yet news reporters ignore poodles wondering in the park. It's only a headliner when it's a feat of dramatic triumph. Dog travels for two months to get back to loving home. What would make you traverse canyons and highways on foot? What's your front page story?


Today, you're about to start you on a triumphant journey. Some people will call the trek a Hero's Journey. And like all heroic tales, when one starts rock bottom and climbs to the top, the paparazzi go wild.


Rock bottom is personal to each of us. Are you in debt over your nose, overweight, without a romantic relationship, wearing 90's clothes, jobless? Feels like a million miles of mountains between where you are now and where you want to be. Looks futile, doesn't it?


I had heard of people being over 400-lbs, yet to see a 500-lb man on the Biggest Loser show was a horrible train wreck I never wanted to witness. However sad of shape those people may be, the Biggest Lower show has proven the morbidly obesity can win their life back. If a 500-lb man, who's heart races as he sits upright, can lose 45-lbs in two weeks, your excuses are now annoying noise.


The sympathy choir has gone home. No one is listening to why you cannot have your most amazing life. You don't have rich parents? Never got a college degree? So what. Yes, so what if you're a single mom or you're physically limited. Look around, all the excuses have been used up by him and her, and heck those two there have a three pack of pity-me excuses. None are left for you. You're starting work on your dream today.


Your dream was that vision you have of the perfect 2-story house, a loving spouse who's your perfect compliment, kids gleefully playing tag, a BMW, and a secure job which easily affords your family vacations twice a year. Or did your mind dare to wonder into greater visions of fame and jet-set fortune. Ah-ha, we have a covert Rock Star on our hands...super!


Your future life vision is currently far from the reality of sitting alone in a small apartment, late on rent. Yet that doesn't stop the process of change which you can initiate today with a single thought. "My life is limitless. I move forward today and everyday." Nothing can stop your imagining a better life. Your imagination is limitless, thus is your life. Once upon a time, no one thought we could fly. Then no one thought we could see space, then no one thought we could carry computers in our jean pocket. Do you see where imagination has taken the world?


Recall that lost dog so far from home. All it wanted, all it knew was to it had to find the love of its family, the green lawn to run in, and the warm bed next to it's master. The dog wanted nothing else, and nothing was going to get in its path to home.

The vision of your future life is your future home. Be the dog taking each and every small step because it won't be happy if it doesn't get home. The blistered paws will be worth it. Is your future dream life worth it? Is your vision strong enough to keep you moving towards "your home?" Claim it as your new home, even if it's only a vision in your mind.

If you're under a Titanic of debt, paying $20 today is chipping away at it. Forward progress. Be proud you paid off $20; you are moving towards financial freedom. See, each day, it gets better. Yes, each day you work towards you dream is better than yesterday.

You're the Michelangelo of your life, start chipping at your personal masterpiece. God gave us the ability to dream and imagine so we could know our potential. Current circumstances do not, repeat, do not have any bearing on your future. There's nothing that you cannot repair, forget, leave behind, ignore, and/or overcome. Like the eggshell where the tiny chick emerges. Thanks for the shelter but I'm moving on now.

Truthfully, the poorer you are, the less advantages you have, the steeper social ladder you have to climb, the dire illness you have to overcome, equals more fanfare awaiting you. Everyone loves a underdog story.

Keep the vision clear in your mind. Sit with it daily so your thoughts, feet, and hands will work to move towards it. The news crews are waiting for you at the goal line of your life. Oh my goodness, CNN just drove up too. I've got my camera ready too. Smile on three!