MTV’s show Punk’d puts celebrities in the elaborate pranks to push them over the edge, stressing the victims past their normal demeanor. One particularly memorable show had Justin Timberlake on the verge of tears, calling his mom because he thought the IRS was repossessing all his possessions for failure to pay taxes. It is hilarious when we are the ones behind the safety glass of our TVs. For the victim, when they find out "You’ve just been Punk’d" lots of emotions are flying.
Life is not a TV show. Life is not staged with actors and fake scenarios. However, the true mark of a person is how he/she reacts to life. Are you more of the zen monk who just shrugs this off, or a pre-tensioned coil of eruptive emotions?
I usually am mid-ground on the spectrum of reactivity, yet things arise that mash my buttons. In early March, I receive a phone call from a client saying he’s lost a bit of faith in my engineering abilities due to an issue a year ago. The issue took some time to analyze, yet today the problem is not anymore.
Unfortunately, after hearing a disparaging remark, I reacted like the space shuttle at T-minus 6.6 seconds. My self-defense engines clicked on. I was seconds away from solid rocket booster ignition of my ire. His comment was an unexpected knife coated with boiling acid to my back. With my defenses up, I managed to stay cool enough to not get my firm ousted from the team, yet I was far from my most eloquent. I still felt the anger after I hung up the phone. I was a mental mess, swirling with bad emotions.
I wished someone had popped into my office to say, "Ha! You’ve just been Punk’d." That would have ameliorated the pressure cooker in my head. So there I was without a release, stewing in the aftershock of a side comment.
After the day ended, I realized that, in fact, life had Punk’d me. Ashton Kutcher didn’t walk up pointing and laughing at me, yet the little demons in my head were having a mockery of a gala on my tab. They had pushed me to outside of my normal staid demeanor.
As I drove home, I realized that I had all the control in the world over my reaction. I could have calmly replied with "yes, that issue was unexpected, yet as you see today, we as a team solved the matter. That’s what I appreciated, was your working with me to satisfy the client."
There’s a Scrappy-Doo in all of us, ready to fight at first whiff of a threat. As a type-A personality, I understand both sides of pride.
What if I had paused, took a deep breathe to calm myself, suspiciously look out the corner of my eye for the Punk'd cameras, and smiled one of those knowing "OK, when’s Ashton gonna come out?" smiles. It would have helped me to keep my cool, keep level-minded, and definitely stopped the countdown at T-minus 7-seconds before my self-defense mechanisms started.
Here’s a super nova thought: just think of the bad things in life as an episode of Punk’d. Realize that you’ll get over it when the proverbial host, your reasoning logic problem solving mind, walks in to take all the perceived dangers away. You are a genius. You have unlimited capacity to solve problems, build relationships, and lead with your stellar example.
Just remember when your irate meter is nearing the red zone, start looking around, and repeat to yourself "OK, Ashton, come on out baby. You’re not gonna Punk me today."
Help us all learn: what’s your trick to not get hyper-emotional in a tough situation?
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Better than First Impressions: The Pa-Pow! Introduction
There is no equal to the first impression. However, there is a stronger key element that happens in many instances prior to you offering a hand shake. It's the introduction of you by a friend/colleague to the new potential client, employer, or even spouse.
How do your friends introduce you? Fair is fair, so I'll also ask how do you introduce your friends? Do you manage the simple, "This is Solange." If introductions were a building, that is the bare minimum ground floor. Where is your top floor penthouse level of introduction?
I have a land-use, real estate transaction lawyer friend. I love him because he's always helping me network, introducing me to his clients who may need my engineering services. Terry introduces me as "Yes, this is Solange, the best civil engineer in town. She's won the Engineer of the Year award for Central Florida." Terry is the master at pumping up his friends with coronation-style introductions. He doesn't lie, I did get the honor of young engineer of the year.... in 2000. For Terry, he believes in my skills thus portrays me as the best.
It is time we remember to pumped each other up. It simply takes is a few adjectives like best, awesome, dedicated, ingenious, motivated, influential... you get the drift of the Pa-Pow! introductory method.
We are not fostering lies. Yet there's nothing wrong with embellishing the truth. A quick story on livening up the truth for the sake of emphasis is my ski friend Jim H. I love to ski thus lead a ski trips for the Orlando Ski Club to Steamboat, CO. Our airport transfer bus pulled up to the lodge around 1pm. Jim, giving his roommate his luggage, jumped off the bus, and headed straight to the slopes for the last 3-hrs of the day. Everyday, Jim skiied from first chair lift up to last tracks down the mountain. He loved skiing. When I saw Jim a few months after our week-long ski trip ended, I introduced Jim as "the only man I know who can ski eight days on a 7-day ski trip!" Now, that's a guy who loves skiing.
Remember to be a gracious acceptor of the Pa-Pow! introduction. Thank your complimentor with a likewise statement of his/her abilities (i.e. "I have to be the best to keep up with the most influential lawyer in town."). Shake hands with your new acquaintance and smile, for your first impression has already been brought up several notches by the Pa-Pow! introduction.
Help us all learn thru your comments: if I were to introduce you, what would you want me to say?
How do your friends introduce you? Fair is fair, so I'll also ask how do you introduce your friends? Do you manage the simple, "This is Solange." If introductions were a building, that is the bare minimum ground floor. Where is your top floor penthouse level of introduction?
I have a land-use, real estate transaction lawyer friend. I love him because he's always helping me network, introducing me to his clients who may need my engineering services. Terry introduces me as "Yes, this is Solange, the best civil engineer in town. She's won the Engineer of the Year award for Central Florida." Terry is the master at pumping up his friends with coronation-style introductions. He doesn't lie, I did get the honor of young engineer of the year.... in 2000. For Terry, he believes in my skills thus portrays me as the best.
It is time we remember to pumped each other up. It simply takes is a few adjectives like best, awesome, dedicated, ingenious, motivated, influential... you get the drift of the Pa-Pow! introductory method.
We are not fostering lies. Yet there's nothing wrong with embellishing the truth. A quick story on livening up the truth for the sake of emphasis is my ski friend Jim H. I love to ski thus lead a ski trips for the Orlando Ski Club to Steamboat, CO. Our airport transfer bus pulled up to the lodge around 1pm. Jim, giving his roommate his luggage, jumped off the bus, and headed straight to the slopes for the last 3-hrs of the day. Everyday, Jim skiied from first chair lift up to last tracks down the mountain. He loved skiing. When I saw Jim a few months after our week-long ski trip ended, I introduced Jim as "the only man I know who can ski eight days on a 7-day ski trip!" Now, that's a guy who loves skiing.
Remember to be a gracious acceptor of the Pa-Pow! introduction. Thank your complimentor with a likewise statement of his/her abilities (i.e. "I have to be the best to keep up with the most influential lawyer in town."). Shake hands with your new acquaintance and smile, for your first impression has already been brought up several notches by the Pa-Pow! introduction.
Help us all learn thru your comments: if I were to introduce you, what would you want me to say?
Friday, February 27, 2009
The Most Asked Question of 2009
No one is bullet-proof. It’s a cut throat economy. Companies have cut the 15% fluff and now are making tough decisions about keeping highly skilled personnel. Tenure, rank, degrees, height, hair color, etc., nothing guarantees your current job in this recession. The Walt Disney Co., a mega house of entertainment, offered severance packages to all its Director level managers and higher. It was the upper echelons of Disney management who were asked to leave first, not the hourly worker. No one is bullet-proof.
With six-figure Disney executives on edge, how are you fairing at your cubicle? Are you at your desk’s edge? Sweating a bit because there’s not much work to do. Everyone wants to keep busy, to be viewed as needed. Thus, the most asked question of 2009 is, "what do I do when I have not much to do?"
Just last year, getting tasks done early was prized. A foggy thought is creeping into America: fake being busy.
Granted, with a smaller task back log, there is more time to review reports with the microscope and the time it took to decipher the dead sea scrolls. Unfortunately, there comes a point when staying on one task too long is a huge negative. Your manager will suspect you’re stalling with a small task assigned last week. Having your boss suspect you of riding the clock is worst than admitting you have no tasks left.
So, again Americans plead, "what do we do when there is not much to do?" The answer is the same winning mind set we had during the fertile economy. Simply stay the course as if in a boom era. Complete your tasks as quickly and accurately as ever. Impress your boss by being highly productive no matter the environment. Frankly, you should be zooming through tasks since you don’t have the pressure of 16 more tasks, stirring in your mental stew. Your focus should be sharper than ever with less meat on your plate.
Work even better and faster is highly counter intuitive advice. You did say you didn’t like being idle, and yes, I’m saying do your work even faster which will likely yield more idle desk time. What the heck kind of advice is that?! Let’s dissect the work scenario some more.
Imagine how your boss would feel if you went to him/her and said, "The task I was assigned is complete. I’ve gone thru it thoroughly twice to be sure. I’m ready for my next assignment. I understand if there are no impeding tasks at this time. If there is none, may we talk about how I may spend my hours?"
If honesty and integrity were a big gem, the person who has the courage to say the above is the Great Star of Africa.
A statement like that shows that no matter what the economic environment, you are here to give your best effort. You were hired by the firm to do a task and do it well. Be proud, you have not faltered. Be even more proud that you did not let fear manipulate your work ethic.
If your manager is curious about your ideas of what to do, perhaps you can suggest tasks which benefit both you and the firm. Here are some ideas:
With six-figure Disney executives on edge, how are you fairing at your cubicle? Are you at your desk’s edge? Sweating a bit because there’s not much work to do. Everyone wants to keep busy, to be viewed as needed. Thus, the most asked question of 2009 is, "what do I do when I have not much to do?"
Just last year, getting tasks done early was prized. A foggy thought is creeping into America: fake being busy.
Granted, with a smaller task back log, there is more time to review reports with the microscope and the time it took to decipher the dead sea scrolls. Unfortunately, there comes a point when staying on one task too long is a huge negative. Your manager will suspect you’re stalling with a small task assigned last week. Having your boss suspect you of riding the clock is worst than admitting you have no tasks left.
So, again Americans plead, "what do we do when there is not much to do?" The answer is the same winning mind set we had during the fertile economy. Simply stay the course as if in a boom era. Complete your tasks as quickly and accurately as ever. Impress your boss by being highly productive no matter the environment. Frankly, you should be zooming through tasks since you don’t have the pressure of 16 more tasks, stirring in your mental stew. Your focus should be sharper than ever with less meat on your plate.
Work even better and faster is highly counter intuitive advice. You did say you didn’t like being idle, and yes, I’m saying do your work even faster which will likely yield more idle desk time. What the heck kind of advice is that?! Let’s dissect the work scenario some more.
Imagine how your boss would feel if you went to him/her and said, "The task I was assigned is complete. I’ve gone thru it thoroughly twice to be sure. I’m ready for my next assignment. I understand if there are no impeding tasks at this time. If there is none, may we talk about how I may spend my hours?"
If honesty and integrity were a big gem, the person who has the courage to say the above is the Great Star of Africa.
A statement like that shows that no matter what the economic environment, you are here to give your best effort. You were hired by the firm to do a task and do it well. Be proud, you have not faltered. Be even more proud that you did not let fear manipulate your work ethic.
If your manager is curious about your ideas of what to do, perhaps you can suggest tasks which benefit both you and the firm. Here are some ideas:
- Read your Board of Professional Regulations website. On area to view are the violations of the code of ethics. The Florida Board of Professional Regulation posts its disciplinary actions; it’s a liken to wood headlock vise in a medieval village square where the accused are put on display. The summaries are lessons in 1) what constitutes a violation of your license, and 2) the severity of misjudgments. If you are a future PE, these cases are a loud warning. If you do not need a PE license, this will a bit of a courtroom entertainment.
Read trade journals pertinent to your career. You office lobby probably has a stack of them. - Offer to do file, thin out file folders, scan files, devise new filing system, etc.
- Do side projects that you see can help the firm. Is the website in need of updating with new photos and project tag lines?
- Ask about how to determine profitability of projects? or other business/operations questions.
Here is today's reality: no one is immune from a lay-off (evidence: Disney Executive Layoffs Feb 2008). However, if you still work as if it’s a bursting economy, your supervisor will appreciate how dedicated you are, how focused you are, how positive your attitude is.
The day when the firm’s numbers sadly leads to your forced lay off, I bet,... no, I know that you will be the first person they call back when the firm's numbers pick up.
Just remember, there are ample people who leave a job and the manager instantly rips their name plate off the wall, right into the trash. Leave your work place with thank you’s, a smile, and hand shakes of certainty that they will ask you back. They will make a shrine of your cubicle, reserving it for your return. Stay the course baby, no matter what economy!
Help us all learn: give examples of productive things you're doing while the work load is low.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Saving "Face"book
"Losing face" meaning to be humiliated or lose one’s reputation thus one is unable to show one’s face in public. With a snap of a camera, Michael Phelps lost his wholesome image, a multi-million dollar Kellogg deal, and the respect of USA Swimming. Most of us are not celebrity caliber as Mr. Phelps, yet we each have ample to lose with a capricious quick click of a camera.
As an employer, I aim to hire the best people to enter my firm. All businesses want quality and professional employees. Facebook, MySpace, and YouTube are new avenues to unearth any undesirable qualities on potential candidates. I used the trick of showing someone the "employee smoking area" to unearth their reaction to smoking. Now we have savvier tools to unveil your weekend lifestyle choices.
Whether it’s a water bong, a cigarette, or racy Halloween costume, these choices all are being judged by people other than your circle of friends. Flippant comments like "I’m bored out of my mind here" posted at 10am on Tuesday or a plain yet poignant"work sucks" posted on a web page will furrow the brow of any employer.
There’s a false sense of intimacy Americans have with their computers. You sit alone in the privacy of your home while you upload this past weekend’s highlights. It harmless, right? No one watching over your shoulder making the critical throat clearing sounds. You click send, and you’ve just exposed yourself to all eyes with internet, even dial-up.
Would you wear that sexy kitten costume to work? Well Pussy Cat, you just brought it to work when you posted those pics on MySpace. Think about it. "Mystique" meaning an air of attitude of mystery and reverence developing around something or someone. Your mystique can flat line like Britney Spears’s too.
I am not saying, don’t have fun. Everyone loves fun. I hope you can trust your friends to not sabotage your future with a tagged photo. Rule of hand (thumb is too small), if you cannot trust everyone in your company, simply don’t do or say anything that can sabotage your future. Think Michael Phelps, do you want your future career to Sink or Swim? Swim baby swim!
Help us all learn: tell me about a Facebook/MySpace/Twitter social or career mistake you witnessed.
As an employer, I aim to hire the best people to enter my firm. All businesses want quality and professional employees. Facebook, MySpace, and YouTube are new avenues to unearth any undesirable qualities on potential candidates. I used the trick of showing someone the "employee smoking area" to unearth their reaction to smoking. Now we have savvier tools to unveil your weekend lifestyle choices.
Whether it’s a water bong, a cigarette, or racy Halloween costume, these choices all are being judged by people other than your circle of friends. Flippant comments like "I’m bored out of my mind here" posted at 10am on Tuesday or a plain yet poignant"work sucks" posted on a web page will furrow the brow of any employer.
There’s a false sense of intimacy Americans have with their computers. You sit alone in the privacy of your home while you upload this past weekend’s highlights. It harmless, right? No one watching over your shoulder making the critical throat clearing sounds. You click send, and you’ve just exposed yourself to all eyes with internet, even dial-up.
Would you wear that sexy kitten costume to work? Well Pussy Cat, you just brought it to work when you posted those pics on MySpace. Think about it. "Mystique" meaning an air of attitude of mystery and reverence developing around something or someone. Your mystique can flat line like Britney Spears’s too.
I am not saying, don’t have fun. Everyone loves fun. I hope you can trust your friends to not sabotage your future with a tagged photo. Rule of hand (thumb is too small), if you cannot trust everyone in your company, simply don’t do or say anything that can sabotage your future. Think Michael Phelps, do you want your future career to Sink or Swim? Swim baby swim!
Help us all learn: tell me about a Facebook/MySpace/Twitter social or career mistake you witnessed.
Friday, January 30, 2009
The Win-Win in Competition
Imagine yourself on the highway and every car is passing you. A tugging feeling starts urging you to speed up, right? In the highway of life, peers are the clutch to your drive. Seeing what gear your peers were in, gauges your pace. Are you near the front or back? Let us discover the virtue of fostering friendly competition.
First, clear your mind of picturing competition with bloody visions of hockey games. View competition as a bright spotlight. Competing gives insight to limiting abilities and areas of improvement. You never lose when you learn.
There are ample opportunities for your star to shine. Do not fret over yesterday's loss. The universe is every expanding, and so are you! Realize that competition is the fire which ignites ambition. Ambition to do a little better each and every day builds you closer to your goal.
Just imagine playing soccer with David Beckham for 45 minutes. Feel the high energy skills you would learn! The wise and truly brave invite equal or higher competitors. Are you going to sit on the sidelines or start kicking some goals? Go for it baby!
Help us all learn: tell me about when you technically lost a competition/bid/job/election yet felt like a winner.
First, clear your mind of picturing competition with bloody visions of hockey games. View competition as a bright spotlight. Competing gives insight to limiting abilities and areas of improvement. You never lose when you learn.
There are ample opportunities for your star to shine. Do not fret over yesterday's loss. The universe is every expanding, and so are you! Realize that competition is the fire which ignites ambition. Ambition to do a little better each and every day builds you closer to your goal.
Just imagine playing soccer with David Beckham for 45 minutes. Feel the high energy skills you would learn! The wise and truly brave invite equal or higher competitors. Are you going to sit on the sidelines or start kicking some goals? Go for it baby!
Help us all learn: tell me about when you technically lost a competition/bid/job/election yet felt like a winner.
Monday, January 19, 2009
What the Real Estate Market Shows Us about Valuing Ourselves
In the housing market, there’s a bit of sage advice. Find the nicest neighborhood you can afford. Then buy the cheapest house. It’s about location, not the pool or granite counter tops. When your neighbor sells for $100k more than you paid, your equity gets a free boost. Being close in price to the cheapest lot on block, if not the cheapest, allows a greater upward range of valuation.
If you want to increase your life’s potential, meaning high career goals, bigger pay checks, more social connections, do an appraisal of your inner circle. Are your friends pushing your value up?
In college, I tried very hard yet I did not easily absorb Steel Design. When the professor passed out the first tests, I was heart-sunken, disappointed, and bleakly frustrated with a C. Yet I saw light. This one guy in the front row got an A+. "Wow!," my mind yelled, "that guy is super smart." Everyone around me thought my C was grand, for they got the same or worst. The consoling was nice, yet I knew if I wanted to a better grade, I need to change my real estate to the front row, to be more like Mr. A+. I had hung out in the back with the oft half-asleep, other times dueling the crossword puzzles kids long enough.
With determination in my holster, I parked my wagon up front, next to Mr. A+. There were ample seats open, imagine that. Mr. A+’s name was Bill. I settled in, got used to how close the chalkboard was, and said "Hi Bill." I was a stranger in a foreign row, just Bill and me. I was the new neighbor, hoping my test value would go up based on location.
Simply being in the front row changed my view literally and mentally about Steel. When you are inches from the professor, you pay extreme attention. I become a focused sponge.
Politeness was also my strong suit, so I’d make small talk with Bill before each class. We’d just joke about whatever. Soon, we were eating lunch, and studying together. He’d push me to do my homework thoroughly. He was my superior in Steel. He got it quicker, while I was slow as gin.
I saw Bill as someone who could help me improve. I really wished to be "A+Bill" smart. I learned more Steel Design than I could on my own. He pushed me to learn a subject I didn’t love, for my betterment. 15 years later, I still call Bill one of my best friends and motivators ever.
How can you, today, increase your value? First, answer what do you value? Do you value education, money, connections, love?
Education hungry? Hang out with people much smarter than you. Like the cheapest house on the block, your intellectual value will increase just by being in the proximity of their conversations.
Money motivated? Seek the clubs or organizations the wealthy belong to. Ones without a huge annual fee are trade associations, leadership clubs like Rotary, and even non-profit charities. Most all board members of charities are big players with big wallets. Being in their club, professional association, or charity gets you in their line of sight. Say hi to them at every meeting possible, reintroduce yourself 15 times, how ever long it takes for them to remember you as the person they keep seeing. This is the first step in getting their attention. I’ll speak more about getting into someone’s calendar in my next topic.
Connections savvy? Try out every professional club you can. Usually the first meeting is free to newbies. Befriend everyone, for they will tell you other clubs they are members of. Soon you’ll see which clubs house the power connections.
Look around and find an "A+ Bill" to befriend. You have no place to go but up. Good luck baby!
Help us all learn: tell me about your "A+Bill".
If you want to increase your life’s potential, meaning high career goals, bigger pay checks, more social connections, do an appraisal of your inner circle. Are your friends pushing your value up?
In college, I tried very hard yet I did not easily absorb Steel Design. When the professor passed out the first tests, I was heart-sunken, disappointed, and bleakly frustrated with a C. Yet I saw light. This one guy in the front row got an A+. "Wow!," my mind yelled, "that guy is super smart." Everyone around me thought my C was grand, for they got the same or worst. The consoling was nice, yet I knew if I wanted to a better grade, I need to change my real estate to the front row, to be more like Mr. A+. I had hung out in the back with the oft half-asleep, other times dueling the crossword puzzles kids long enough.
With determination in my holster, I parked my wagon up front, next to Mr. A+. There were ample seats open, imagine that. Mr. A+’s name was Bill. I settled in, got used to how close the chalkboard was, and said "Hi Bill." I was a stranger in a foreign row, just Bill and me. I was the new neighbor, hoping my test value would go up based on location.
Simply being in the front row changed my view literally and mentally about Steel. When you are inches from the professor, you pay extreme attention. I become a focused sponge.
Politeness was also my strong suit, so I’d make small talk with Bill before each class. We’d just joke about whatever. Soon, we were eating lunch, and studying together. He’d push me to do my homework thoroughly. He was my superior in Steel. He got it quicker, while I was slow as gin.
I saw Bill as someone who could help me improve. I really wished to be "A+Bill" smart. I learned more Steel Design than I could on my own. He pushed me to learn a subject I didn’t love, for my betterment. 15 years later, I still call Bill one of my best friends and motivators ever.
How can you, today, increase your value? First, answer what do you value? Do you value education, money, connections, love?
Education hungry? Hang out with people much smarter than you. Like the cheapest house on the block, your intellectual value will increase just by being in the proximity of their conversations.
Money motivated? Seek the clubs or organizations the wealthy belong to. Ones without a huge annual fee are trade associations, leadership clubs like Rotary, and even non-profit charities. Most all board members of charities are big players with big wallets. Being in their club, professional association, or charity gets you in their line of sight. Say hi to them at every meeting possible, reintroduce yourself 15 times, how ever long it takes for them to remember you as the person they keep seeing. This is the first step in getting their attention. I’ll speak more about getting into someone’s calendar in my next topic.
Connections savvy? Try out every professional club you can. Usually the first meeting is free to newbies. Befriend everyone, for they will tell you other clubs they are members of. Soon you’ll see which clubs house the power connections.
Love struck? Find a group of friends in your same situation with a POSITIVE attitude about love. There are ample comiserates to avoid like capri jeans. Those who love love will keep your mental state in a bright light as you travel thru the dating paths.
If you are serious about improving your life exponential, start by looking at your circle of friends. If you are the richest, most driven, most ambitious, most well-read, most open minded,... Is it time to seek a new cul-de-sac of acquaintances? The circle where you will be the one with the least of all those attributes so your surroundings naturally pull you up. Your life value, like real estate, will increase or decrease based on your surroundings.Look around and find an "A+ Bill" to befriend. You have no place to go but up. Good luck baby!
Help us all learn: tell me about your "A+Bill".
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